A heavy heart in Ontario

Friends,

tonight I write to you from my parent’s condo in Trenton, Ontario.  Our drive here was uneventful.  Though Jan has not been feeling well, and the last two nights he’s been up much of the night, today in the car during our ten hour drive he slept about seven and a half hours.  He’s been good as gold, and he is now sleeping peacefully.  We think he’s feeling better; he’s certainly not as feverish.  We didn’t even have to get our passports out to get over the border.  Also – smooth sailing through Toronto, even though we got to Toronto around 5 PM.  All in all, amazingly easy.

Stepping into hopsital room 256 was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.  I knew dad was ill, and I had been told it was bad.  I was not prepared.  Dad cannot speak. He seems mostly unresponsive, though at times he appears to be trying to communicate.  He has lost so much weight, and his throat has changed – I’m not medically savvy, but I think this has something to do with laboured breathing.  I was so sad for my father and for my mother.

My mom told me on the phone that she thought dad was waiting for me.  When I first saw him today I didn’t think he could possibly know that I had arrived.  However, just a few minutes after we arrived I was talking to dad, hoping he could hear me.  He did make noises, sort of moans – not like he was in pain, just like he wanted to say something.  Also my mom held Jan next to dad.  She told dad Jan was there, that Wendy and I were there.  She put Jan’s face against dad’s face and something amazing happened – a single, fat tear rolled out of my father’s eye.

I don’t know what I expected; I don’t know how I thought I would react, but I think I have never seen anything that has affected me like that.  Pray for my family, everyone wants to be here for mom and to be with dad, but that’s impossible.  My brother, Andy, isn’t taking his kids to see dad right now – they should remember him as he was.  Pray that Andy and Jannette can find words to explain this to their children (Aaron and Lauren).  That Aaron and Lauren, will remember their Pappy as a strong, energetic and fun loving man.  My sister’s son (Jacob) desperately wants to see him again, so he’s coming tomorrow.  He is such a sensitive young man, pray that this visit allows him to say goodbye and be at peace.  Pray also that Julie’s husband, Marty, will be comforted and given an extra measure of patience and strength, so he might be able to cope with this loss and be able to explain this to, and comfort Jacob and Lucy so that Julie may be free to mourn her father’s passing.

Finally, please pray for Wendy.  I am quite a mess and she is benevolent and strong.  I can not imagine going through this without her.

This picture comes from my undergraduate graduation day.  My father was so proud of me.  He told me so; I wept because his pride means the world to me.